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Help is always worth the effort
I will never forget my first camping holiday. Everything was absolutely right: weather, place and people, who were on the camping. I just could not expect that something might be wrong.
I drove by bus to the camp and I was very tired after the many hours ride. On one side of the camp was forest, on the other there was lake. I decided to pitch a tent at the forest edge. When I was putting up my tent a group of three teenagers offered me a help. I was really happy, because I was really sleepy at that time. Eventually, we finished, the tent was put up. I was grateful to them.
After a moment of conversation I suggested swimming in the lake, it was that thing I really needed then. We were swimming for about an hour and suddenly one of the teenagers shouted and began to melt. It seemed that he had a shrinkage. I immediately reacted and after a while he was on the shore. We were all very scared, but luckily, everybody was okay.
Rest of my holiday was uneventful. I could really enjoy my first camping holiday, with my fantastic, new friends.
*who were on the camp(bez ing)
* I was tired after many hours of driving (bez the i raczej powinno byc driving chyba ze chcesz uzyc słowa podrozy to bedzie po porostu: after many hours of travel)
*one one side of the camp there was a forest and on the other side there was a lake.
*zamiast eventually pasuje bardziej finally
*I was a thing a really needed
Reszta powinna być ok ;]
Widać, że posługiwałeś się słownikiem, kup sobie lepszy słownik polsko angielski, taki zaprojektowany dla polaków, w którym przy słówkach wieloznacznych w języku polskim, pojawiają się konteksty w którym można używać odpowiedników angielskich.
Jeśli nie chcesz wydawać pieniędzy na taki słownik to zastosuj inną metodę, po wyszukaniu słówka w słowniku polsko angielskim, wyszukaj słówko angielskie w słowniku angielsko angielskim (obowiązkowe wysposażenie do nauki języka) i sprawdź co to słówko oznacza.
I drove by bus to the camp -> drive używamy gdy prowadzimy samochód/autobus, Ty raczej jechałeś autobusem. zmieniłbym to na: I got to the camp by bus
one of teenagers shouted and began to melt -> melt to topić, ale lód na wodę, lub metal przed odlaniem go do formy, słówko którego poszukujesz to "to drown". one of teenagers shouted and began to drown.
he had a shrinkage -> shrinkage to potworek stworzony z to shrink, zmniejszenie się, lub skurczenie się. Skórcz mięśnia to "cramp". he had a cramp
teraz trochę kosmetyki:
it was that thing I really needed, bardziej po angielsku byłoby: it was the thing I really needed.
I immediately reacted -> Szyk zdania należy zmienić na Subject Verb Object czyli: I reacted immediately.
Nie wiem co ma oznaczać końcowe: I could really enjoy ..., może miałeś na myśli: I really enjoyed