Proszę o sprawdzenie czy napisałam rozprawkę poprawnie i o ewentualne poprawienie błędów.
Nowadays more and more schools decide to withdraw an unhealthy food from school’s shops. This is a quite controversial issue.
The main advantage of banning snacks from school is improving student’s health. Everyone knows that unhealthy food may cause a lot of diseases, for example obesity and heart disease. Probably children don’t know about it, so adults should show them the correct way.
Another positive aspect is the fact that students learn what they should eat. When they see the inscription on a shop “only healthy snacks” they know what type of food is proper. It’s a probability that when they go to another shop (with every kind of products) they will buy a fruit or a vegetable instead of a bar or a sweet, fizzy drink.
An obvious drawback is that children don’t have a choice. If a child is responsible and knows that he can eat (for example) a one unhealthy snack for a week, so why doesn’t he do this at school, during the break? Sometimes children should feel their childhood, which is closely connected with sweets.
Another negative side is fact that it’s better for students to eat anything instead of being hungry. If someone doesn’t like fruit, vegetables or water, should eat what he likes, because students are forced to learning and they must have a power to learn.
It’s hard to say which option is better for students, but I believe that everything which is used reasonably is for the people.
Nowadays more and more schools decide to withdraw an unhealthy food from school’s shops. This is a quite controversial issue.
The main advantage of banning snacks from school is improving student’s health. Everyone knows that unhealthy food may cause a lot of diseases, for example obesity and heart disease. Probably children don’t know about it, so adults should show them the correct way.
Another positive aspect is the fact that students learn what they should eat. When they see the inscription on a shop “only healthy snacks” they know what type of food is proper. It’s a probability that when they go to another shop (with every kind of products) they will buy a fruit or a vegetable instead of a bar or a sweet, fizzy drink.
An obvious drawback is that children don’t have a choice. If a child is responsible and knows that he can eat (for example) a one unhealthy snack for a week, so why doesn’t he do this at school, during the break? Sometimes children should feel their childhood, which is closely connected with sweets.
Another negative side is fact that it’s better for students to eat anything instead of being hungry. If someone doesn’t like fruit, vegetables or water, should eat what he likes, because students are forced to learning and they must have a power to learn.
It’s hard to say which option is better for students, but I believe that everything which is used reasonably is for the people.
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W tym zdaniu lepsze by było pierwsze zdanie warunkowe. Nie będę Cię poprawiać, bo widocznie jesteś maturzystą/tką ;)
Mam takim pomysł po An obvious drawback.. (przedostatni akapit). Nie zastanawiałaś się może czy nie napisać tu o tym,że np. rodzice są nieodpowiedzialni i powodują, że dzieci jedzą niezdrowe jedzenie, np. podczas przerwy? Wydaje mi się, że dobrze by to wyglądało, bo wiadomo, że dzieci jeszcze dużo nie wiedzą o zdrowym odżywianiu się, sporcie itd. a zwłaszcza te ze szkoły podstawowej, a tu z tego co widzę ogólnie piszesz o dzieciach :)
przed because nie daje się przecinka - to nie jest polski :D
Sometimes children - bez sometimes, poza tym niepoprawnie gramatycznie.
Another negative side is fact that it’s better for students to eat anything instead of being hungry. - dziwne zdanie
If someone doesn’t like fruit, vegetables or water, should eat what he likes, because students are forced to learning and they must have a power to learn. - zdanie warunkowe tu powinno być skoro zaczynasz od If.
jak bym była nauczycielem dała bym 5+