Question

Sprawdźcie mi to:
My first mobile phone was very awful because it has black and white screen. I was 10 years old. I get them from my father. I write a text messages every day. I not often phone to my family. I like listenig music and take a photos. I had a few mobile phones. Now I have a samsung model. I take it everywhere.

Wiem, że nie wszystko jest dobrze, ale nie wiem jak to zmienić. :P

Answer 1

My first mobile phone was really awful because it had black and white screen. I was 10 years old when I got them from my father. I write a text messages every single day. I dont phone often to my family. I like listening music and taking a photos. I had a few mobile phones. Now i have a samsung model. I take it everywhere. 

Ja bym to tak napisał ale porównaj sobie.

Answer 2

Hmm.. Ja bym zamiast awful napisała ugly.
It had black and white screen.
Połączyłabym też 2 następne zdania, w następujący sposób: 
"I got it from my father when I was 10 years old."
W zdaniu "I write a text messages every day." a nie jest potrzebne. 
Następne zdanie napisałabym raczej tak: "I don't phone to my family often".
Listening to music. Taking photos. 
Czyli cały tekst będzie taki:
My first mobile phone was very ugly/awful (jak wolisz) because it had black and white screen. I got it from my father when I was 10 years old. I write text messages every day. I don't phone to my family often. I like listening to music and taking photos. I had a few mobile phones. Now I have a samsung model. I take it everywhere.

Ogółem tekst nie jest najgorszy :)