Proszę o sprawdzenie eseju i napisanie gdzie zrobiłam błędy, a na pewno zrobiłam. Albo też jakieś sugestie co jeszcze mogę napisać. Jest to rozprawka typu opinion essay
Temat: It it wrong to keep animals as pets.
Many people in the world have animals as pets. They like to spend time with their loveable friends, take care of them and feed them. They think that keeping animals as pets is not wrong but right. However some people say that it's cruel to abide animals at home. I agree with these people so I haven't got any pets.
First of all, animals take up a lot of time and money. Owner must toy with his pets. He must clear up and feed pets. Food and accesories for animals are expensive. Furthermore, there are other pets, such as certain breeds of dogs that are very dangerous for children because they can bite the little ones if the kids don't know how to handle them. Aove all, the animals are carried away with their natural enviroments only for our pleasure. Pets are keeping in cages but they need a lot of expanse. Every animals are lively and people shouldn't limit them.
Many people see nothing badly to keeping animals. First of all, some scientist have found that domestic animals can help to cure certain illnesses such as depression or stress. Secondly, they also claim that animals are exellent for children as they play an important part in the process of growing up.
In conclusion, although some pets seem to be amiable and good company, they can become very dangerous and inconvenient for their owner. I believe that people should keep only those animals which are comfortale in people's home. For mostly animals it's better if they stay in their natural habitat.
Z góry dziękuje za pomoc!
raczej zamiast "in the world" napisz "all over the world" twoja wersja jest własciwei poprawna ale to co ci proponuje brzmi znacznie lepiej;p
potem się powtarzasz z "them" wystarczy "take care of them and feed"
potem keeping animals as pet "is right although it is wrong" tak bym napisala raczej
potem zamiast "haven't got" chyba lepiej napisz "don't have"
"Owner must toy with pets, clear up and feed them" bo potem masz za duzo powtorzen
potem nie wiadomo czy mowisz o psach czy o dzieciach moze lepiej " because they can be bitten if they wouldn't know how to handle with pets"
"Aove all"? o co chodzi?
"they need a lot of space" expanse sie tu nie uzywa raczej\
"many people can't see anything bad in keeping animals..."
czemu napisałaś "firts of all"? dziwnie.. lepiej jakieś "furthermore"
potem zamiast "secondly" napisz "besides,"
potem zamiast "as" ja bym dala "because"
"company" znaczy firma więc już lepiej napisz "friends";p
potem tam jest "comfortable in their's homes" lepiej
i zamiast "for mostly" lepiej "for large majority of the animals"
ale ogólnie fajne;d